Sup Based Fobs... It's been a minute since I wrote on this blog but we back. I gave this talk in Melbourne at #Carbon13 yesterday. I'm not an expert on the economy. I'm just a dude that reads the NYT, watches Rachel Maddow, Alex Wagner, reads Franco Berardi, and fux with Jon Stewart. This is all shit that's readily available and full of knowledge darts. But watching the news the last year, I started getting the same exact feeling I had in law school all over again. It's useless to complain about our representatives or put my hope into some dudes who are too pussy to resist lobbyists, private interests, and the machine. We don't enact laws that need to be enacted because of private interests and filibusters. Then when we do enact half-assed laws with blunt instruments, those laws aren't equally administered. There are even fools trying to rig the NYC Mayoral election over meatballs in the Bronx.
We can only trust ourselves because all these representatives are for sale. Yet, that sentiment leaves us with fear. We don't want the responsibility because duty without a way out makes you feel powerless. The tax code in 2011 had 72,000+ pages. HOW DO YOU GRAPPLE WITH THAT? You kind of can't, but I want people to know... Despite the mountain of fucking wizardry these assholes have cast over our political system, we can make a difference. We've seen it with kickstarter, reddit, wikileaks, digital gravel, baohaus, and any other grassroots movement that used their platform to do something about the way our world is headed.
We are the future and we got to get this shit right. I can't sit here and crack jokes about roors and bang bus like shit is sweet. If our country keeps heading the way it is, there may not be a bang bus and I'm just not ready for that life. Am I really just a narcissist, cause I wake up to vids of Ava's tits?
(if hyperlink doesn't work above here it is from FORBES)
(apologies to every one for Chef Creole's Swag Shirt and constant use of "baby" but trust he a good dude despite the axe body spray vibrations)
1 season, 5 episodes, 15 parts... THANK YOU BASED FOBs FA YO SUPPORT.
It means a lot that yall rode for a show that didn't rely on food porn, voice over, celebrity guests, and the constant proliferation of dominant cultural beliefs. You watched a man slaughter a rabbit. You watched sex workers. You watched betel nut girls. You watched a short, fat, chinaman feed himself until he looked like a jeremy scott bao.
And all the while, you debated in the youtube comments about the issues. A lot of you just wanted to call people chiggers, but those people aside there was a lot of real conversation and it means the world that you mofuckers engaged the show. I hope you guys continue to engage this show and every thing else you see as well. The conversation is what we did it for.
I can tell a lot of you were receptive to flipping things like porn stars, stinky tofu, and food television on its head to see what the other side had to say. A lot of times we don't get the full picture from today's media but the internet is enabling us to actually tell the stories ourselves. To anyone who doesn't fuck with mainstream media and the news, you have no excuse. Get a camera, get your Pretty Indian Producer, get your Italian-Cuban Camera Crew, throw your boy from Santa Barbara into a 10 square foot ply wood edit suite, and tell the story yourself. We have the power to tell stories ourselves. Vice obviously paid for this show, but you can literally report on the things in your neighborhoods with one digital camera and a laptop. You have a duty to tell the world what's going on in your hood and counter the poison they're filling our brains with. No one is going to change the world for you. Do it for yourself.
Once again, thank you for your support, cop the book, and we'll see you for Season 2... Play my music bitch!
THESE ARE NOT POLO SHIRTS AND THIS IS NOT A RECAP... I'm going to cover 2 scenes in episode 2: Hanna x Dive Dating x Fetishization and Marnie x Pretty People Haters
Marnie is an amazing interviewee. She's sharper than most people interviewing her, yet, she's aiming so low with her life. We all know these people... You have no idea why they take dead beat desk jobs or play assistant to so-and-so going nowhere editor at fill-in-the-blank dinosaur hip hop magazine when you know damn well said assistant should be the editor.
Marnie goes through the motions in interviews, humors potential employers with lines like "yea, she's not very good at living" and you just want her to flip the table over onto the sidewalk, step on gallery owner's head, and force them to hand over their business like it's Johnny Fontaine's freedom. #LucaBrasi #OfferYouCan'tRefuse
But Marnie ends up doing something more realistic, predictable, but still POWERFUL. She gets a "pretty person job" and I fucking love it. She's getting $400 a night to be a hostess. There are attorneys and doctors that make less. It's one thing when men "gaze" on women and frame their sexuality but it's another for a woman to take it, control it, and own it themselves. Is that what being a hostess is? Probably not. It's not a power position. It's at times a degrading position especially knowing what you're selling, but in my mind it's about what you do with the money. It's a tricky dance, but real boss bitches get paid. SUP JADA STEVENS! SUP LISA ANN AKA THE OTHER SARAH PALIN! SUP SARAH PALIN! I mean, for real, wasn't Sarah Palin basically campaigning for a "pretty person" job? And didn't she lose her power when she lost control of the messaging? If she had used her sexuality and won the office of vice president, it's a win. But, to do reality shows, to do fluff appearances, to do Glen Rice, those aren't "power moves" so to speak. If you control your identity, your integrity, and your messaging, SELL IT short term, but you have to evolve.
Jamaicans sell tank tops with holes in them.
Nigerians sell bubble guns.
Young pretty fly NY chicks sell titties at the hostess stand.
Society sucks. It forces you into these boxes but you have to use what you have to get out.
I sold shirts on the 6-train, I sold porno on 3.5" diskettes, and I sold buns, but I never ever let myself get satisfied. I never took on the mentality of a mother fucker selling buns. I told myself I was a boss and that standing by a steam table selling buns was a short term thing. I was paying dues. No matter how many people told me to stand in a kitchen, I ignored it wrote the book, did the show, and got out. So fuck anyone who thinks Marnie's selling out getting a "pretty person" job. I hate these entitled peons who have the luxury of not taking shit jobs and then clown people who HAVE to take them to come up and pay their bills. #HustleHard
Athletes are revered in our culture and they use their bodies. What's the difference? The difference is that society drew a line at using your bodies for sport, but not sex. Yet, you have to ask yourself in a Partriarchal society why that line is there? Probably cause women could run the world if they withheld the punani... I digress. North Brooklyn Dive Dating and Fetishization of Dangerous Black Men... Leygooooo!
...
The conversation between Hanna and Childish Gambino is fucking amazing. To anyone that thought Sex in the City was ground breaking, please, this show is doing to Sex what The Wire did to the Sopranos when it came out. Girls goes beyond the world that lives within the black box and grapples with the issues cable wants us to believe don't exist. Conversations about dating that are forced to circulate within the margins of faux-post-racial America are fucking useless.
I honestly can't stand Childish Gambino's character on Girls just like I can't stand Hanna but it's fucking perfect. These people exist. Black republicans = They OUTCHEA MANG and they have as much of a right to their shit opinions as the rest of us. Black, yellow, brown, Cuban Republicans, I see you, I don't fuck with you, but yall have as much right to your opinion as I do. To tell someone they should align with a party, opinion, or view point because of the stigmas attached to their skin is bullshit. You have no idea what people went through and any attempts to distill that experience based solely on skin is futile.
Hanna in episode 2 is quite possibly the most despicable character I've ever seen on a screen and it's genius. She's this Oberlin educated liberal white chick who thinks she's down because she "read" about it. The most obnoxious quality in a human being is the inability to recognize when you don't know; that's Hanna. The reason why Girls is so infuriating is because there is an absence of "white guilt". I love white guilt; it's cultural chlorine ridding the social pool of over zealous white know-it-all-ism. And, it's beautiful to see how out of balance conversations in this generation go when a self-absorbed, entitled, white chick like Hanna feels personally slighted and forgets to put her white guilt hat on. It is impossible to communicate with white people without the presence of guilt.
At the crux, that's one of the core through lines in Girls. Most people from dominant culture acknowledge the need for guilt as being drivers in the cat bird seat of the world's foremost super power. I have guilt when I go to Taiwan, I have guilt when I go to the hood, I have guilt when dealing with employees for the simple reason that I'm in a position of power. With great power comes great responsibility and one of those responsibilities is to carry guilt.
I'm out...
For the record, I didn't want to recap this episode cause I felt it was perfect, but shouts to @mislaT for making me recap the ep!!!
This was your classic first of the season catch up episode with one twist...
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A BLACK PERSON!
Yes, yes, Lena has blessed Girls Season 2 with the brother from Bro Rape. I'm very excited even though he's perpetuating that stereotype that black dudes will date anything that has pink nipples even if it looks like stuffed cabbage with a mustard gravy blouse she bought at Buffalo Trader Joe's.
Last week, I went with a friend to sell clothes at Buffalo in Williamsburg. It was fucking hilarious watching people bring clothes for sale that looked like they pooped in them. Like, hey, this isn't designer, this isn't even forever 21, this isn't even defective Polo from Marshall's, but I did have a fish taco accident in it. You want? If you're bored this week, get blazed, get a powerade zero (cause we off them carbs after 3pm, thanks Oprah), and go laugh at people trying to sell clothes they pooped in.
As the show opens, we see Shoshanna exorcising her room of all that clam juice from season 1 when she busted it open for Ray. No lie, Ray is my favorite person on Girls. I feel like in season 3, Lena will reveal that Ray grows up to be Jerry Seinfeld and that Adam gains 200 lbs, loses his hair, keeps every thing from season 1, 2, and 3 in the same wallet and becomes George Costanza. But before we leave Shoshana's room, we see that stupid fucking Keep Calm, Carry On poster. You live in New York Fucking City and you can't find a better graphic print to put on your wall? You could have got this hot shit from Pho Banc!!!
I would much rather hook up with a girl that had a poster saying VIETNAMESE HAMS ARE NOT FOR RESALE!!! on her wall. ESPECIALLY IF EVERYTHING ON HER WALL WAS IN CAPS.
Then we see Marnie: she has lunch, her boss name drops Tom Sachs (SUP HOMIE!), then she lays her off... then Marnie has lunch again with her mom. Man, white people RUN lunch. I can never get away with two lunches and I bet Childish Gambino never gets to have two lunches in one episode this season.
BUT IF YOU MOUTH BREATHERS PRE ORDER MY BOOK THEN I CAN GO ALL M.I.A., EAT TRUFFLE FRIES, AND HAVE 88 FUCKING LUNCHES THIS YEAR! PLEASE BELIEVE I WILL NEVER TELL YOU MY GOAL IN LIFE WAS TO BE A POOR SRI LANKAN REVOLUTIONARY. MY GOAL IN LIFE IS TO EAT TRUFFLE FRIES WITH THE NEW YORK TIMES AND I WILL SHOW TRIBUTE TO MY RACE BY INSTAGRAMMING SAID LUNCH AND THEN YELPING THE RESTAURANT LIKE MY USER NAME IS TWINKLE-TOE-MSG888. YOU ALREADY KNOW: ELITE YELPER SINCE 2008 FUCK WHAT YA HEARD SHE'S AN EXPERT CAUSE SHE MAKES DUMPLINGS AT HOME AND HER BOYFRIEND SAYS THEY'RE DELICIOUS BEFORE HE GREEN TEA CREAM PIES HER AT NIGHT. #BADGUYSHIT
Marnie's Mom makes Marnie uncomfortable at lunch because she's all sexually liberated sleeping with cater waiters and shit. I hope NY Magazine asks this question: "Are Cater Waiters the New Nick Cannon?" I guess if I was an independent, sexually liberated, old bird that had money and thus no need to ever wash another man's wok... I would sleep with cater waiters and couriers from Kenan & Kel. #Feminism #ItsAlive
Poor Marnie... Her Mom's out there fucking any 21 year old with a stack of black napkins and shrimp cocktail, but she hasn't been mashed out since season 1. Lemme know if you wanna ride the Bang Bus, Marnie, I know people who know people.
Lena and Elijah decide to throw a house party. Nice way to just get every one together and tie up this set-up episode. I figure it's all downhill from here and BANG. The absolute best moment of Season 2 so far. Shoshanna air Dj'ing with a dixie cup on her ear and then Shoshanna karaoke'ing Sean Kingston "Beautiful Girls" to herself muttering "suiciiiidal, suuuuicidal".
"DAMN ALL THESE BEAUUUTIFUL GIRLS, THEY ONLY WANNA DO YOU DIRTY... THEY'LL HAVE YOU SUUUUICIDAL, SUICIDAL, WHEN THEY SAY ITS OOO-VER." - The GOD Sean Kingston
And it's at that moment with Sean Kingston dropping knowledge and Hanna dropping draws that I realize... Black dudes and The Kid Mero had it right all along!!! WE SHOULD ALL BE DATING UGLY WHITE WOMEN (mero wife fly FYI). They will hold pans for you to pee in, bring you food, pain killers, and buy you TVs from best buy WITH THE MOTHER FUCKING INSURANCE. I reminisced on all those high school mall dates where I tried to steal girls shit from piercing padoga and they were like "PANDA, DON'T WORRY, I'LL BUY IT." And I was all DMX like "WHAT? .. YOU BUY? ...WHAT? WHERE MY DOGS AT?... COME ON!"
YOU KNOW WHY I LOVE WHITE WOMEN? CAUSE THEY THE ONLY WOMEN IN THE WORLD THAT CAN STILL AFFORD TO BELIEVE IN LOVE AND I TAKE THEM TO THE FUCKING BANK. I LOVE ME A WHITE CHICK THAT LOOK LIKE A WALKING BODEGA HOT BAR. FUCK ME THEN PAY ME!
IM TAKING THE J/M/Z TO BUSHWICK RIGHT NOW TO FIND SOME UGLY FAKE BROKE ACTUALLY WEALTHY WHITE WOMEN! COME ON! X GON GIVE IT TO YOU!
P.S. this whole post is a lie, i bought my girl a dress from wang last week but u can't be mad, i was in the bang bus and ma didn't say anything... silence is an alexander wang dress: COME ON! ARF ARF ARF!
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